On relationships

I'm very attracted to the girl that choreographs dance for DCD.

I was wondering what it was about her, she's cute but not really my type. I rarely ever talk to her so I cant really judge her personality. I only see her once a week and she's graduating soon so I'll probably never get to know her very well.

But I think it's her passion for dance that really gets me. I can tell that she really loves dancing and puts a lot of heart into DCD. She and the other choreographer are basically the main reasons I've decided to stay in the group, going to practice every week. Nowadays I've found myself extremely apathetic about the girls in college. Every girl wants to get with a guy by telling him how much she enjoys the same things he does. They feed their egos, hoping that in return, they will respond with the same tone. It's such a breath of fresh air to find a girl who is not only so absorbed in her passion, but is willing to share that with our whole dance group.

I guess where this post is going is just to say that I really find it attractive when someone else can inspire me to enter their world. I have to admit that as an engineer, I hate girl engineers. All the practicality, all the grade scrutiny, future planning; I just want a girl that can take me away from my comfort zone and teach me to love new things, experience what she enjoys. Whats the use of getting to know someone who is the same as me?

I hope I'll run into more girls like her soon..

The Light

amidst all my unhappy bitter posts, you have to realize

theres nothing any more rewarding than the experience of life. I mean, if youre not going to enjoy it while it lasts whats the use of trying?

the times like now make all the other shit worth it you know?

Tired of talking

I hate words.

I think its been quite a theme throughout my past few posts, but I really hate them. Sometimes I think about telepathy and the whole "reading minds" business. Would it be as shown on TV where the conversation in our minds are read?

I hope not. Even in my head I can converse lies and spout half-truths. I like to imagine that the concept of mind reading is just a pure gateway into the feelings of another person. It wouldn't be anything distinguishable or with any vocabulary, but instead would just allow you to connect with the other person, see what they mean rather than what they say. See through all the bullshit in everyday talk.

I like to consider myself a reserved fellow. I hate telling people how I feel. This is because I feel as though by telling other people how I truly feel, their attitudes change, they become someone else for me. I would like nothing else but to prevent that from happening. The way someone treats me without my two cents is exactly how they mean to treat me. It shows the genuine character of someone.

It definitely is quite a burden though. I would like nothing else but for the people I care about to change how they act and care more about me. But what would I gain by sharing that knowledge to someone? They may act different but it means nothing. Its only another mask put on top rather than a change from the inside.

What a predicament.

My Qualms

"sorry" "thanks"

These are probably the words I hate most that are commonly used by everyone. In general, I actually really dislike words (ironic). But these two in particular just sum up my main qualm about verbal communication.

Basically, I would much rather someone never say those two words to me, but express them in a way so that I would understand that they were truly "sorry" or "thankful". Oftentimes, I get the impression that if someone says "sorry", then that is all that is needed on their part. I often fall into the trap of saying "oh no dont worry about it" back. And thats where it ends. All is forgiven.

Thats bullshit. I dont care about someone's "intentions" or any of the inner feelings that they hold. How does that help me? It may sound self-serving, but its frustrating for me to accept someone's apologies basically off of one word. Thankful? Show your thanks instead of just saying it. I find that many people live just in their own world, benefitting only themselves. Even altruistic gestures are a way to help one masturbate their own spiritual dick.

You may find that this blog will hold a lot of cynicism and ranting, but I'm determined to post my feelings, no matter how brutal they are.

A Fresh Start

I've always wanted to blog freely. It seems as though all my previous endeavors have been marred by the eyes of peers and I end up restricting the ideas that appear to the public. So I'd like to start off the blog with something inspiring I found on the web and hopefully I'll stick to the wave of motivation I often feel at the latest hours of night. It's already morning after all.